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I have had a few periods in my life where a perfect storm of change has occurred and altered my course. The last few months have been one of those times. Not only were things changing in every aspect of my world, I honestly felt like I’d lost my blogging voice. After two months off, I [...] Some of my happiest childhood memories were during the holiday season in my hometown of Ida Grove, Iowa. There were weeks of festive cookies, a real Christmas tree decorated to perfection, visits with loved ones, white blankets of snow and evenings spent opening advent calendars and Christmas cards. My mother would decorate the entire house so beautifully that holiday parties were an absolute must. On Christmas Eve, we would watch Christmas Vacation, eat Rueben sandwiches for dinner and attend the evening service at St Paul Lutheran Church to sing classic hymns in a candlelit sanctuary. To me, the holidays were truly magical and those family traditions made it so. However, families naturally evolve: babies are born, loved ones pass on, folks marry in and people move away. My family is no exception. I live in Dallas, my brother’s family lives in Florida and the majority of my relatives are back in the Midwest. Unfortunately, a mega-trip to Iowa is not feasible every December and my family understands. Over the last two years, this complicated geographic situation has given me the idea to come up with some of my own holiday traditions. I’m not sure what the final catalyst was—if it was the fact I’m becoming more and more like my mother every day OR if it was that my apartment seemed to lack the magic of my home in Iowa—but whatever it was, I’m glad it happened. Here are some of the holiday traditions I’m beginning… This Thanksgiving I will not be returning to my hometown in Iowa, and it is the first year I have been unable to make the trip home. Surprisingly, I am okay with this reality. Why? Although they will never replace my real family, I have developed a secondary family in the last few years, and I’m excited to celebrate this stomach-stretching holiday with them. Over the last 4 months, I’ve had an excessive amount of change happen in almost every facet of my life: work—I’ve switched positions from a travelling consultant to a stationary office worker, location—I stay in Dallas every week now (I actually feel like I live here now), financially—being local means I drive more and need to buy groceries so suddenly bills are going up, love life—Irish BF has moved to Dallas changing our ridiculously long distance relationship to a suddenly very short distance relationship, physical size—I’ve been expanding… All this drastic change has resulted in many things, but one in particular has bothered me to no end: severe neglect of my darling blog. Dear Autumn, Ah yes, it’s autumn yet again and that pumpkin-shaped hole in my heart has been filled. That’s right, the leaves are changing, the air is cooler, drunk people in burnt-orange shirts are wandering around Uptown Dallas on Saturday afternoons and Starbucks has their pumpkin-flavoring out. I LOVE this glorious time of year, and I want to sing these affections from my balcony. For the last 3 falls, I’ve had the pleasure of experiencing autumn in 3 very different states: Iowa, Rhode Island and Dallas. Each one has offered up something delightful in this already wonderful time of year, and I’m going to share my favorites from each with you… Yesterday I received an eye-catching email from my former sorority, Delta Delta Delta (aka TriDelta), with the subject line: Friends Don’t Let Friends Fat Talk. Upon reading the content and checking out the website, I felt compelled to post something on my blog, because I may be one of the guiltiest women out there when it comes to this. What is fat talk? The site defines it as: Fat Talk describes all of the statements made in everyday conversation that reinforce the thin ideal and contribute to women’s dissatisfaction with their bodies. Examples of Fat Talk include: “I’m so fat,” “Do I look fat in this?”, “I need to lose 10 pounds” and “She’s too fat to be wearing that swimsuit.” Statements that are considered Fat Talk don’t necessarily have to be negative; they can seem positive yet reinforce the need to be thin — “You look great! Have you lost weight?” I am terrible when it comes to fat talk… Like the majority of women, I have body image issues and frequently buy a one-way ticket to negative town. When I start the down negativity spiral, it really does have an effect on everything in my life. The other morning my pants were really tight, I got down on myself and it ruined my morning—I know I’m not alone on this kind of morning. That’s why I’m on board with Fat Talk Free Week. The past few weeks have been hectic to say the least with finding my groove in the new role at work and having my on-and-off-again long-distance Irish boyfriend move to Dallas, and I have found myself going a bit nuts… My zero-to-frustrated time is minimal, I’ve burst into tears twice and an early morning runner in my hose turned into an over-the-top dramatic event (there were witnesses too…). I may be a bit feisty, but this is too much even for me…something is out of wack. In the past, I have written about the need to treat yourself for sanity’s sake and created a list of “treats” I give myself. In noticing my recent ridiculous and totally out of balance behavior, I realized that this list needs to be updated. What’s the additional sanity-saving treat? Blogging, of course. Lately I have been stressed for unknown reasons. I can’t quite pinpoint what exactly is bothering me but something sure is… I’ve been wound up a little more than usual – yes, it is possible for me to be even crazier than my normal, baseline state. My attempts to calm down and relax have been unsuccessful as I’ve been on the go-go lately: a week in Fort Lauderdale for work, a wedding in Houston, a work week in Dallas, another wedding in Houston, etc. I knew some time with my family was what I needed, because I find spending time with people who get you down to your core is an amazing way to refocus and re-center. This Saturday I boarded a plane to Omaha to spend a week at my parent’s house in my hometown. It has been almost 9 months since I’ve been home (a reality I accepted when I left two years ago). I like to think I’ve got great style, but often times I lack the confidence to pull things off. Many an outfit makes me feel awkward or fat, and I find myself wanting to run home and change the entire time I’m wearing said outfits. My brain begins obsessing that everyone is looking at me and mocking my failed attempt to be hip and stylish. I am my own worst enemy, because it causes me to seek encouragement by asking others, “Do I look ok in this?” Fact: I need a considerable amount of external validation to just be me. We live in a world that teaches us from the beginning not to talk to strangers, and it’s not shocking that when we get older we have trust issues with our fellow humans. I am usually skeptical of every other person around me and hope they won’t try to rob or sexually assault me (that might be the scared little small-town girl inside of me). Then there are the times where you let your guard down, and some jerk store takes advantage of you – that’s right, you know who you are car fixer guy in Woonsocket, RI. On the flip side, I find it hard to trust the people I work with on a daily basis. It seems like everyone has some sort of anti-you agenda, and this planet is every man for his/herself. That is why when I boarded my plane last night from Fort Lauderdale to Dallas I had every intention of sitting down, writing a superb LA article I had promised to Dan (hadn’t a clue what to write) and not talking to any strangers. Enter: adorable 30-something Texan blonde woman. She started talking to me about how she was a little nervous about flying. It seemed harmless enough, so I chatted to her about pretty surface level topics (weather, flying, why we were both in town, etc). After all, I couldn’t start my article during taxiing anyways, right? |
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