During our development program, we had a C-level executive come to discuss leadership with our class.  He made it clear that when it comes to success, the failures we endure are just as important as the wins, and failing is essential to being a great leader.  He told us that if we hadn’t experienced a big failure in our lives, one would be coming soon.  He was right on. 

A fear of failure spans every generation.  Not too surprisingly, many have said that millennials do not know what do with failure.  For many of us this is completely true, because we haven’t had much experience with it.  Most of our parents saw to it that we were on teams whose mottos were “everybody wins” which is precisely why I have a box full of “participant” ribbons (I just wanted to be on the team…).  We have seen mainly positive or neutral feedback thus far.  It is when we get out in the corporate arena that the potential for failure begins to mount.   

William wrote an article about playing the blame game, and I share his thoughts on the subject.  People in corporate settings are terrified about taking responsibility for anything, especially for something that has failed.  I have found that people respect you immensely more if you are honest and direct about what you’ve done.  We all need to take responsibility and grow from our failures.  If you are in a situation where people are not willing to deal with failure of any kind, perhaps it isn’t the best environment for you to develop. I’m not suggesting that we all go out and fail to learn some life lessons, but don’t fear it as much. 

Other millennials are of the “what doesn’t kill us only makes us stronger” mantra and have dealt with failure.  Coping with and accepting failure are the hardest parts.  2008 was a roller coaster year for me, and I went through 2 disastrous roles in my company before finally landing one that was a great fit.  Both times I had my hopes up and was ready to give my all to succeed.  The first job was a rapid and utter failure due to the account collapsing.  The second role was a slow failure that caused me a lot of sleepless nights, self doubt and stress.  I put everything into trying to make that job and city work for me, but eventually I had to deal with the fact that I was not going to make it work. 

To get through those tough times when you are struggling with impending failure, you need to have faith in yourself.  Being sure of who you are comes in handy when it feels like the world is bringing you down.  Also, have patience that things will turn around and treat it all as a giant “life experience”.  You will learn about your weaknesses (essential to self awareness) and strengths, and you will most certainly build character.  When it becomes too much, don’t be afraid to see a therapist (check with your wellness dept–our company has a way to get free visits).  Talking with a neutral party can be exactly what you need sometimes.  If all that fails, red wine and an amazing playlist (I Will Survive, Stronger by B.Spears or Kanye, etc) will temporarily induce happiness.

One of my greatest assets during the rough times was my mentor.  He has had his share of ups and downs, and he gave me great advice.  Marty Zwilling has a blog for entrepreneurs and wrote an article on millennial entrepreneurs.  He says, “…they will fail a few times before they see some success, as did other generations before them…For now, millennials better find a boomer as a partner and a mentor, if they want to lead the startup pack, or even survive.”  This is wonderful advice.  Success will come, but for most of us it will be after a few failed attempts.  A mentor that has the experience to guide us through those highs and lows is what we will need to get back on the horse and try again.

Although 2008 was a dark year for me, I wouldn’t undo it.  Failing added to my character and raised my confidence.  Yes, failure actually increased my confidence.  The experiences (albeit painful) were life-changing, and I feel like stronger now.  Please feel free to comment with additional advice on dealing with failure.