val-en-tine Pronunciation [val-uh n-tahyn] –noun

Dear Irish Boyfriend,

I think you are as wonderful as a cool pint of Guinness on a Saturday afternoon, and I want to sing my praises for all of your help in my Trina Left Iowa adventure.  This blog would not be possible without you.  No, seriously it really wouldn’t!

My technology/internet skillz (that’s right, skills with a z) may impress some, but they are nothing compared to yours.  You helped me to commit to a blog name that fateful Sunday (I have some commitment issues…) and patiently walked me through the process of buying a domain name, hosting package, etc.  You explained Wordpress themes to me which again took immense patience.  Once everything was set up, you created logo images, worked with the layout and catered to my diva-like requests.  You took a lot of your free time to tinker with color schemes and fix things I’d broken.  Yet, the whole time we were working on the site you gave me final say and made me feel like it was my own.

Besides the techie pieces, you played a huge role in emotionally supporting me to begin this adventure.  We were team bloggers on Leading Associates which was how I got a taste for blogging and writing freely.  I’d never known that I had writing in me, and you encouraged me to develop this “talent” I had suddenly unearthed.  You telling me that I should create my own blog was the catalyst to this endeavor.  You were the one who made me realize that people may actually read and enjoy what I write. 

Lastly, you inspire me to believe in myself by constantly reminding me to have confidence in my abilities.  Putting your thoughts out there is scary, and it takes a lot of strength to endure extensive criticism on the internet.  Because of you, I’m positive I can handle this adventure whatever direction it goes…

Thank you,

Trina

PS.  It’s always nice to have the luck of the Irish with you (OK—you knew I had to say something slightly racist).

Irish Elixir

Right now I am in this fabulous life stage: I’m educated, single, emancipated from my parents, employed, full of life, cute (I have to give myself some credit), and blessed with a derriere that rivals JLO and Kim Kardashian (I’m learning to embrace rather than hate it).  This is the time when I am supposed to be dating these great guys and going out for cosmopolitans with my fabulous girlfriends.  Instead, I find myself going through the same routines and doing unglamorous things like drinking wine alone and watching the BBC Pride and Prejudice miniseries (I nearly tackled the delivery guy when it arrived from Amazon).  Where do the cute boys and dates come in?

People always say that “he” comes along when you aren’t expecting it which is exactly how both of my two serious loves happened.  At this time, I’m not even looking for Mr. Right; I just want to have fun, flirt a little and date interesting boys.  In college, this was all so easy: get gorgeous with girlfriends, drink a bit, go to the bar, drink a bit more, meet that cute guy from Organic Chemistry II (that’s a joke by the way) and flirt all night.

For over a year now I have been doing my usual “thing” and haven’t met anyone that has really caught me.  I go to the gym, work, get groceries, meet friends for drinks and dinner, etc yet nothing has happened.  Looking for men at bars has never led to GOOD dates for me.  I started to wonder if I was too boring and thought maybe I needed to try another avenue to meet the men folk. 

That’s when the marketing geniuses at Match.com sucked me into their world of “It’s ok to look”.  I had been curious about online dating for a long time and wanted to know how it all worked.  One Tuesday night after a glass of wine, I typed match.com into the browser and hit enter.  I searched for males in Plano, TX from ages 23-30, and a lot of interesting profiles appeared.  I created my own profile, wrote in some of my interests, added 3 of my most flattering photos, wrote a little about what I was looking for and submitted it for approval (content and photos have to get approved by match.com). 

Just as the ads promise, you can look and wink (equivalent to a facebook poke) at others all you want, but that’s about it.  In order to read/send emails, see who has viewed your profile or IM online users, you need to shell out some cash.  I had received several winks, emails and IMs, and the curiosity was killing me.  It was at this point that I decided to give this a try for one month.  In addition to the previously mentioned privileges, match.com starts sending you 5 daily matches which is a nice little treat in your inbox.

The main attraction I had to the entire process was being able to select who you communicate with based on criteria that are important to me.  For example, I am not religious, and I was able to select guys that shared my lack of beliefs.  Therefore, I prevented myself from going on dates with a big deal-breaker for both parties.   

I emailed and IM’d with a few different guys that looked great on paper to me and went on dates with 2 of them (both happened to be engineers…maybe I have a thing for them).  Guy 1 and I chatted on match.com (it’s a crap chat client) twice and started emailing back and forth for a week.  After seeing that we had a great deal in common, he asked me to meet him at an Italian restaurant.  I was a slight train wreck, because this was the first time I had done anything like this.  I changed outfits too many times to count.  I fretted about being too sexy or too closed off.  Finally, I got myself together and went.   He was nice, smart, quiet, sweet and laughed at my jokes (usually a winner for me).  However, there was something that I just couldn’t put my finger on and declined the second date offer.  I later realized that he didn’t make ME laugh much at all, and there just wasn’t a spark.

Guy 2 and I emailed twice then talked on the phone.  He cut right to the chase and asked to meet me at a café near work.  I was much less nervous and equated this to me being in my suit from work (a comfort zone: flattering, classy and screams powerful woman).  Again, he was nice, smart, quiet, sweet, laughed at my jokes (obviously), but he didn’t make me laugh much and there just wasn’t that instant spark.  Although I had reservations, I accepted the second date because I thought I would give him another chance.  The dinner went alright (about the same as the first time), and then we saw a movie.  During the movie, I kept thinking he was nice but I just didn’t feel “it”.  Perhaps by accepting the second date I confused him, because he tried to kiss me at the end of it.  Leaving nothing left to be confused, I muttered something about “being nervous and not having dated much” and promptly drove home (just imagine stuttering, fumbling for my keys…horribly awkward).  He received that message very clearly as he did not try to call again.  Nice guy just not for me…

I did a lot of deep thinking on the subject and realized I was looking for a spark/connection/chemistry that just can’t be identified on a profile.  If I had put more effort into match.com, I’m sure my dates would have been better.  I truly feel that online dating is entirely what you make of it, and I could have tried harder to find a non-religious, tall, educated comedian in the Dallas-Fort Worth area.

Pros: I went on 3 dates, satisfied my curiosity, experienced a whole new approach to dating and now understand why this is such an effective method.

Cons: I can’t pinpoint who I will spark with based of a few details, and it requires a lot of work to find that special someone on match.com.

My recommendation is to give it a shot if you are curious.  Remember, it’s ok to look…just screen for the creep-o’s and always MEET them at places.  Also, try out the other dating sites as their approach may be more effective or less work for you. 

As for me, I am going to continue my usual routine of flirting with the cheese guy at Whole Foods (best goat cheese in the metroplex) and coyly waving at the gym guy for now…