The Confidence Hat

Trina — Thu, 20 Aug 2009 10:37:51 +0000

I like to think I’ve got great style, but often times I lack the confidence to pull things off. Many an outfit makes me feel awkward or fat, and I find myself wanting to run home and change the entire time I’m wearing said outfits. My brain begins obsessing that everyone is looking at me and mocking my failed attempt to be hip and stylish. I am my own worst enemy, because my lack of confidence causes me to seek encouragement by asking others, “Do I look ok in this?” Fact: I need a considerable amount of external validation to just be me.

I know this about myself and saw the classic signs a few Friday nights ago. I realized that I had asked my roommate several times before we left for dinner if I looked okay. It was with her consistent positive responses and a sudden burst of confidence (haven’t a clue where it came from) that I emerged from my West Village Dallas apartment in a black Fedora hat, cute black tank, grey shorts and black pumps. At first I felt a bit self conscious thinking everyone was staring at my fedora hat, but I reassured myself that I looked almost like Britney wearing a hat in the music video where she makes out with Madonna.

Fedora Hat

As the evening progressed and I had my share of margaritas on Primo’s patio, I began to feel very confident in the hat…almost oddly confident. I kept doing positive reinforcement: every time I felt a hint of body image woes I replaced it with a burst of positivity. Something clicked in my corn-fed brain, and I was practically strutting down McKinney Ave on the way to Black Friar Pub. My fedora hat was like a prop for the evening. It transformed me into this confident, sexy woman who struts down streets, and I really liked her!

Apparently fedora hats and Guinness are appealing to foreign men, because it wasn’t long before a few French men were telling me my hat was trouble. I was soon getting more attention than I had bargained for from a small group of French male travelers—some of which didn’t speak a bit of English… Of course, Irish Boyfriend wasn’t far from my thoughts. I rejected the French travelers as politely as possible (which wound up not being very polite as they were rather insistent on swimming in Lindsay and I’s apt pool after hours…), headed home and put the fedora hat in the closet where it belongs.

The next morning I started to think about my sudden popularity with French males. Was this a new demographic for me? Naturally, I assumed not. Was it the hat itself? Again, I assumed not as it was nothing special from Forever 21. Was it the Primo’s margaritas?? It was more plausible than the other ideas, but no… That’s when it hit me: it was the strutting, the standing tall, the smile…it was some elusive CONFIDENCE!

Like most women I know, my confidence ebbs and flows like the tide. I’ve got days where I am incredibly hard on myself and others where I feel invincible. Although I’m aware that I’ve got a lot going for me, I tend to forget all of that and replace it with self-loathing. I spend more time tearing myself down than I do boosting myself up—it’s the reason I need so much external validation.

The night in the above story, my fedora hat didn’t radiate confidence into me. Rather, I stepped up to the plate and reassured myself that I was amazing from hat to pumps. I gave myself a big bump of confidence which is apparently attractive to French males (and possibly men in general…). I’m going to apply this strategy of reinforcing self-assuring thoughts more often, and maybe I’ll get the positive attention I deserve in every situation. Bonus: I won’t have to annoy people with my, “Do I look OK in this?” routine. Also, I plan to strut more often.

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Trina Left Iowa » Confidence

The Confidence Hat