We have all known a bully, been a bully or been bullied at one point in our lives. Learning to deal with bullies is an unpleasant but essential part of growing up. As we enter the real world, we are hopeful this sort of traumatic treatment is over. Unfortunately, bullies are as alive in corporate America as they are on the grammar school playground, only now they come in the form of leaders and managers.
In the past, I had a bully manager and really grappled with it. I was the only woman his team, and his behavior of talking about how attractive other women were, constantly one-upping everyone (you know, the guy who always has to have the best story), frequently reminding me of “my place” and breeding a boy’s club culture caused me to isolate myself in my cubicle. After a small depression, I left that situation but was still baffled on how to deal with that type of treatment at work.
Recently, I had a discussion with my friend – we’ll call her Samantha – about a crappy experience she’d had with a leader of our division who has a reputation for being abrasive – we’ll call her Karen. Samantha was to assist Karen with a client presentation by gathering supplies off Karen’s list. Sam worked with the division secretary to ensure everything was ready and followed Karen’s list to a T. The day of the client presentation Samantha lugged a suitcase full of supplies in for Karen. Instead of doing something productive, Karen berated Samantha for not doing anything right. It was for really trivial things, like you didn’t print my PowerPoint slides with the notes on the bottom, the name tents don’t say our company’s name on them, you didn’t print the most recent version of the documents (Sam printed the doc she was given), etc. Karen gave Samantha further verbal abuse while they were editing the presentation together. I couldn’t help but think, “Wow, Karen is one hell of a bully!”
After Sam told me her story, I began to think of her situation and back to my times with a bully boss. I started to ask myself a lot of questions. I know for a fact that Karen is terrible with technology and incapable of doing anything for herself; was Karen just hiding her incompetence with mean words? What is the point of treating Samantha like dog poo when she clearly trying to help? Could Samantha have stood up to Karen? Why would anyone in a leadership position treat their people this way? I googled around and found a few things out.
Earlier this year, Forbes wrote an article about powerful corporate bullies and their “bully everyone until their vision is met” strategy for success. If you weren’t contributing to their vision, you were treated in typical bully fashion. As their vision is realized, their egos become inflated giving them a serious god complex which can get them into trouble with the law. Some of the most notorious, successful bullies include Vogue’s Anna Wintour, Martha Stewart and Apple’s Steve Jobs. Forbes said, “Usually their office antics breed resentment, sabotage, “mental health days” and costly turnover”—to this I’d like to add: a “fiction” book about what a bitch you are at work, aka The Devil Wears Prada.
Bully Leadership
The bullies mentioned by Forbes were hell-bent on leading their companies according to their vision. Most of the corporate bullies I’ve encountered do not fall into this category; they seem to be spending the majority of the time covering their butts and attempting to make others look incompetent. Bullyonline.org defines workplace bullying as:
“Bullying is a compulsive need to displace aggression and is achieved by the expression of inadequacy (social, personal, interpersonal, behavioural, professional) by projection of that inadequacy onto others through control and subjugation (criticism, exclusion, isolation etc). Bullying is sustained by abdication of responsibility (denial, counter-accusation, pretence of victimhood) and perpetuated by a climate of fear, ignorance, indifference, silence, denial, disbelief, deception, evasion of accountability, tolerance and reward (eg promotion) for the bully.”
When workplace bullying goes unnoticed (usually the case) it can be very damaging to the recipient. Workplacebullying.org has a 3-step method for dealing with corporate bullies:
- Name it and legitimize it – Admit the problem and do not blame yourself, ever.
- Take care of your physical and mental health to bullyproof yourself – The stress resulting from being bullied is both mentally and physically draining.
- Don’t be afraid to seek help from a professional—trust me (from personal experience).
- If you don’t bullyproof yourself, you may crack and snap back at your bully. Doing this only gives them ammunition against you—trust me.
- If it has gotten so bad that you need time off, take it and begin searching for a new job. Realize this isn’t a sustainable future; something has to give—trust me.
- Expose the bully – If it has gotten so bad that you are ready to leave your job, it’s time to do some serious talking with your leadership. Keep it professional and about the business.
- If they side with the bully, then leave. You’ve done nothing wrong, and you deserve to work in a place that values you and doesn’t harm your health. Chin up, learn some lessons and kick ass at your next gig.
- If your leadership is looking to get rid of the bully, then stay strong because it will be over soon. You may have ramifications to deal with initially, but the source of your stress will be gone. Bonus: you’ve got leadership that are keyed in and good at their jobs.
Note: When I left the bully boss, I didn’t sit down with my leadership and explain my reasons for leaving. I just left because his boss had him on a pedestal—I felt it wasn’t worth a battle.
People may tell you it’s only work and to let it roll of your shoulders, but I can speak from personal experience, it is not quite that simple. Be strong and remember this is about the other side’s problems. You can end it, but it’s up to you to be the bigger person.
I’m happy to say that “Samantha” is no longer working under “Karen”; however, Karen is still highly respected in our division…