This post is one I wrote for Leading Associates in April 2009. I’m proud of the posts I wrote for LA, and I wanted to include them here at Trina Left Iowa.
I’m an emotional person, and I have accepted that. Perhaps I got it from my grandmother, who announces, “Here come the waterworks,” when she reads a mushy greeting card. Unfortunately, I’m not that adorable when I’m in emotional land. Whatever the cause of it, I can’t help but bring emotions into work sometimes, and I’m not alone on this. When I asked a few of my male friends if they have ever cried at work, I got an immediate NO for a response. Maybe some men are extremely good at not crying during work, but I think strong emotions do affect PEOPLE (men included) on a daily basis. Different people and the different genders just deal with emotions differently. The important part is that each of us handles these situations gracefully as coworkers do judge you upon observing your reactions to intense emotions.
Any number of things can cause an onslaught of powerful emotions during the daily grind. You should know your triggers, and be able to recognize those situations. The best way to handle a wave of emotion is to understand what caused it. From that point, you either have to deal with the emotions from those situations or try to approach those situations differently so as not to induce those feelings. Fact: I cry a lot and find it hard to bottle it up during work. I know my tear-triggers list usually contains the following: the boss gave me a hard time, I’m feeling very overwhelmed, anger/frustration with someone or something, people asking me about my personal life problems, etc. For example, when a coworker asks about my weekend, I avoid mentioning anything related to loneliness or my pathetic love life because further probing would surely result in me welling up with tears.
If you need an emotional release, give yourself a moment to do it but be discreet. My time in Rhode Island was a very unhappy time for me, and there were times when I couldn’t help getting emotional at work. Some days I couldn’t make it to the car or apartment, and I became an expert on silently crying in my cubicle (my cube was on a different floor than the rest of my teams’) and the fourth floor women’s room. You don’t want to be sobbing at your desk, but silently letting out a few tears can be a much needed release. If you are in a meeting and feel tears coming, calmly excuse yourself to the restroom. One of my other Rhode Island solutions was to go for a quick walk around the building. It’s amazing what a little sunshine and fresh air can do for a person’s emotional state.
The key when you do give in to your emotions is to compose yourself and pick up with your work. Make sure to give yourself a minute to regroup. Before contacting anyone or sending any emails, I suggest getting some water or visiting the toilets (chance to check your makeup too). You do not want your emotions to be reflected in your voice or in the tone of your work. Sometimes I leave emails unsent until I return from the bathroom. About 75% of the time, I do not send those emails because the amount of emotion in them is inappropriate. It’s amazing what a five minute break can do for a person.
Do not allow yourself to wallow in your emotions for too long, because that will lead to a productivity downward spiral. I used to burst into tears when I would start to feel extremely overwhelmed. Now, I try to remind myself that crying will waste too much of my precious time. Instead, I recognize the feelings of panic, take deep breaths to fight the tears and prioritize my to-do list (a much more effective use of time).
If you consistently find yourself crying or filling with Hulk-like rage during the day, it might be wise to look into your company’s employee assistance program and get some help. My company was able to give me six free visits to a therapist which helped me get through my last few months in Rhode Island. The hard part is knowing when you need to talk with someone, and that decision has to be made entirely on your own.
I’m very proud of myself for writing up this article about workplace emotions without making any “there’s no crying in baseball” jokes from A League of Their Own…I’ll let this video from CBS News do it for me.
I’d love to hear how others handle their emotions at work. Feel free to comment, and share your insight.